Sunday, April 20, 2008

How to use a Token Economy to Shape Your Child's Behavior

A token economy is a behavioral modification technique that was first used in mental institutions to reinforce and establish desirable behaviors in their patients. Today you can find token economies being used in schools, treatment programs, and some families have found its usefulness in shaping their children's behavior. The token economy is a system in which targeted behaviors are reinforced with tokens (secondary reinforcers) and are later exchanged for rewards (primary reinforcers). Tokens can be in the form of fake money, buttons, poker chips, stickers, etc. While rewards can range anywhere from snacks to privileges/activities.

To establish a token economy in your home first you must identify the behaviors you want your children to change (desirable behaviors). These behaviors could include completing homework, brushing teeth, coming home on time, completing chores, not arguing, going to bed without a hassle, etc. You will want to limit your focus to a maximum of three or four behaviors at a time in order to keep things manageable.

Next, decide what you will use for tokens. You may want to assign different tokens for each of your children to reduce the risk of taking each other's tokens. You will also want to use something that can't be counterfeited.

Primary reinforcers need to be identified and can include such things as snacks, activities, or privileges like watching television, playing at a friends, computer time, etc. Now that the desired behaviors are identified, as are the primary reinforcers, you will need to set a value for each of them. That is, when a desired behavior occurs how many tokens is it going to be worth. Also, when your child wants to exchange the tokens they have earned for a primary reinforcer, there will need to be a predetermined value placed on the primary reinforcer. For example, if your child goes the entire day without fighting with their brother they could earn one or two tokens. As a primary reinforcer you could have playing at a friends house. It could cost them thee tokens. The trick is striking the right balance between what they are earning each day and what they will typically expend on primary reinforcers. If tokens come to easily then the primary reinforcers lose their value. While if primary reinforcers are priced too high or tokens are too difficult to earn then your child may give up.

Now that you have they system in place you are ready to implement it. First, identify three or four behaviors you want to reinforce. Then list them and decide how many tokens each behavior is going to be worth. You may want to put this list on the fridge or some place where it can be easily seen. Next you will identify what will be used as primary reinforcers and determine how many tokens each will cost. This list should be placed some place easily seen too.

When you catch your children engaging in the behaviors you have identified, reinforce the behavior by providing the predetermined number of tokens. It is important to couple the dispersing of tokens with a behavioral description of what you saw and verbal praise. Eventually, you will want to move on to other behaviors that you want to reinforce and will rely solely on verbal praise to maintain previously established behaviors. The reinforcement schedule should transition from a continuous schedule of reinforcement (1 behavior : 1 token) to a variable ration schedule of reinforcement (3-5 behavior : 1 token). Last, you will fade out tokens completely using only praise to maintain the behavior. You will then focus on other behaviors and repeat the same pattern.

Your children will need to be responsible to keep track of and manage the tokens they earn. There will come a time when they will want to purchase a primary reinforcers. They should always pay for them before being allowed to engage in or partake of primary reinforcers otherwise the program loses its credibility. If they run out of or lose their tokens they simply can not purchase a primary reinforcer until they have earned enough.

What does this kind of a reinforcement system do for your children? It takes away the sense of entitlement a lot of kids have today. Instead of expecting privileges or activities for nothing on their part, they now have to earn them by the acquisition of tokens through their good behavior. A token economy can help a child be more responsible and teach them how to manage their resources. Something else that it does is teaches children to delay gratification where the world teaches them to expect and desire instant gratification. Lastly, the token economy can be used to extinguish misbehaviors and establish positive behaviors.

A token economy will require some effort on the part of the parent but the benefits far outweigh the small amount of time a parent has to invest in the program each day.
Author Bio
Destry Maycock has over eleven years experience working with children and families as a professional social worker. Destry has helped hundreds of parents solve a variety of parenting challenges and strengthen their relationships with their children. Destry enjoys developing products that help parents. Visit www.parentingstore.com to see the latest parenting programs.
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Selecting Furniture for a Play Room

The furniture you choose to put in your play room depends mostly on your family's definition of "play room." If your play room is for a toddler to have lots of running room, your furniture will differ greatly from the play room designed to give adults the feel of a sports bar atmosphere.

If your play room is designed with a mobile child in mind, you probably will not need much furniture. An appropriately sized table for the child to sit at while coloring or drawing, playing with puzzles or doing crafts is a must along with a sturdy chair. A good toy box that could double as a hope chest for the child later is another good furniture item to include in the room. Throw in a couple of chairs for the kids to wallow on and your furniture needs are met!

A play room for older kids will differ in its furniture needs. A table with sturdy chairs will still be vital. Older kids who like to watch television or movies and play video games will also need a solid entertainment center or tv stand on which to hold the tv set. You'll need more seating for older kids, too. They tend to have more friends visiting and will require more seating area.

If your play room is for adults, furnish it accordingly. In addition to any favorite games, like pool or billiards, you will want your play room to have quality furniture in it too. Select a nice sofa or sectional with plenty of seating. Select coffee and end tables that can move quickly to accommodate snack trays or your favorite board game. If you are going to have video games in your play room, make sure your seating is placed for good game play.

If your play room is going to be used for hobbies, make sure your furniture is suited for the hobby of your choice. If your hobby is scrap booking, you will need a good, comfortable desk and a nice chair. A hobby such as needle point would require a comfortable chair with good back support and good lighting. If writing is your hobby, your "play room" may take on the look of a home office instead. Invest in good furniture that includes a computer desk and a comfortable chair.

No matter what your family's definition of "play room" is, you can utilize it best and get the most enjoyment from it when you furnish it according to its intended use. Don't put a lavish sofa in your play room if it will be subjected to frequent spills and gooey drops of food. Likewise, don't expect to be comfortable on furniture that is way past its last legs. Know your space, know your needs, and know your budget. When you take those things into consideration, you will make good decisions regarding the furniture and accessories you select for your play room and you can concentrate on what the room was intended for - having fun!
Author Bio
Bob Benson is the founder of Furniture online. You can check out our website at www.doll-furniture.info
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Preventing the Misconduct of Your Children or Employees

Human behavior, whether that of a child or a grown employee, always stems from a goal or purpose. Starting as a thought, the behavior is further enforced by triggers of the emotions and senses. This behavior, when it is "good", gets us rewards and recognition, while on the other hand, negative, or "bad", behavior creates a strain on a relationship, sometimes fatally.

If you were to look at it closely, the misconduct of some employees closely resembles that of a child's misbehavior while he is seeking his mother's attention and not receiving it. Remember the antics of a young child in the supermarket who had a "Terrible Two's" tantrum because his mother won't but him the candy or toy he wanted? Well, it is my opinion that the goal behind the employee's purposeful misconduct is to seek attention, in one way or another.

"Every behavior, good or bad, has a goal behind it."

Looking at the goals that triggers misconduct, let's begin by looking at the primary misconduct, that of attention-seeking. Behavioral studies show that the desire for attention is universal in all people, regardless of age, color, language, culture, etc. People tend to seek attention in positive and useful ways; but if they can't get it that way, they will seek attention in negative and useless ways.

Turning the Negative into a Positive To become effective in helping negative attention-seekers, we must first change our response to them by showing them that they can be accepted as a useful and contribution member of the family or organization. We do this effectively when we show them that they achieve significance through their positive and useful contributions rather than through they useless bids for attention or service. In order to focus on their constructive behavior, we must either ignore their misbehavior or pay attention to it in ways they don't expect. Caution: Attention should never be given on demand, even for positive acts, because doing so reinforces their inappropriate desire for attention.

* Instead of reinforcing their negative and untrue belief that they don't belong unless they are the center of attention, help them develop positive feelings about themselves, their abilities, and their contributions.

Who's Your Daddy?

Next set of misbehaviors are those of the power-seekers who feel that they are significant only when they are bossing (bullying?) people around. They tend to do what they want, when they want, and how they want despite the rules, regulations, or policies. Even when their parents or supervisors succeed in subduing them, the victory is only temporary. The argument may be won, but the relationship is lost - maybe permanently. On the other hand, sometimes the defying child or employee may seem to be complying, but they are doing so in their own way, in their own time, and at their own speed, all contrary to the rules, regulations, or policies. This artificial obedience is known as "defiant compliance". If this struggle for power continues and the power-seeker comes to feel that they cannot defeat their parents or supervisor, they may trade-in their desire for power for their next misconduct weaponry, that of subtle revenge.

* When dealing with power-seekers, refrain from getting angry, from "blowing your top", and disengage from the power struggle by refusing to hold a no-win conversation. After arranging an appointment to meet with them when they calm down, turn your back and walk away. (After all, it does take two to tango, doesn't it?)

When Getting Mad Is Getting Even or Stopping the Madness

The revenge-seekers are somewhat paranoid in their thinking, in convincing themselves that the world is out to get them, in believing that they have no significance unless they are hurting others, and in finding their belonging by being cruel in their relationships. Unfortunately, they trigger a downwards spiraling chain of events. Their revengeful acts, when discovered, deeply hurt their parents or supervisors, causing them to want to retaliate. The revenge-seekers then respond to the counterattacks by seeking further revenge, either by intensifying their misbehavior or by selecting another item from their weaponry inventory.

* To be of help to the revenge-seekers, train yourself to avoid retaliation, at all cost. As difficult as it may seem, train yourself to improve your relationship with the revenge-seeker by remaining calm and showing them goodwill. Be prepared to the unexpected: If the war of revenge continues despite your attempts to defuse it, the revenge-seeker may come to feel completely defeated and may give all attempts to become a contributing member. They may even turn their feelings inwards by displaying manipulation as their next weapon of choice.

To Suck Up or Seek Out? That Is the Question.

Manipulators, because they tend to feel inadequate to interact appropriately in a relationship, may display feigned inadequacies or disabilities. Rather than come right out with their wishes, wants, and desires, they will find elaborate ways to get others to do something for them. They become con men and women. To them they are finding the "easy and sure way" to get what their want by lying, cheating, overcommitting, supercharming, and "gently" aggressive.

* To help the manipulator convert this misconduct, train yourself to eliminate criticism, and focus, instead, on their assets, strengths, and abilities. Look for ways to help them, as I like to call it, "maximize their potential".

Turning Misconduct Into Super Performance

Remember that all misbehavior and misconduct, even appropriate bids for attention, stems from discouragement. Discouraged people lack the courage to behave in an active, productive, and constructive manner. Their misbehavior does not become evident unless the manipulator perceives a real or imagined loss of status. Whatever goal or purpose the manipulation serves, it is done in the belief that only in this way can they have a place in the family or organization.

Conclusion: In your relationship with your child or employees, remember that their behavior and intentions towards you will change only when you change your approach. Although you do not cause them to misbehave, you can reinforce and encourage their misbehavior by reacting in ways they expect. Therefore, concentrate your efforts on changing your behavior if you want them to change theirs.
Author Bio
Etienne A. Gibbs, MSW, Management Consultant and Trainer, conducts lectures, seminars, and workshops, and writes articles on: ... helping you maximize your potential for individuals, schools, small businesses, and non-profit organizations, Reach him at www.MasterBlogBuilder.com.
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So You Have A Picky Eater

If you have a picky eater, mealtime can make you feel like you want to pull your hair out. It is very frustrating for parents to watch their child only fiddle with their food at dinner or not even touch it, claiming they "don't like it." Then what happens? Thirty minutes later guess who is hungry? You guessed it. Your little picky eater.

Jamie's mother was concerned about Jamie's lack of interest in food. She told me, "Jamie never wants to eat anything I fix for dinner. What can I do to encourage Jamie to eat the meals that I have prepared?" I came up with the following ten tips for her. You may find them useful as well.

TIP: INVOLVE JAMIE. You could have Jamie help with planning the menu or meal preparation. Kids are less likely to "turn up their nose" at something, they had a hand in.

TIP: PLACE A LIMIT ON JAMIE. Perhaps Jamie is playing with her food at dinner and not real interested in eating it. Mom say's, "Jamie, I will be serving breakfast at 7:00 a.m. try to eat enough to make it to then. You decide how much you will need. Oh! We will be clearing the table in _____ minutes."

When Jamie comes to you later that evening complaining of being hungry. With an understanding tone, simply remind her that you will be serving breakfast at 7:00 a.m. as usual. Jamie will most likely be persistent about getting something else to eat. It is important that you follow through with the limit you have placed. Otherwise, Jamie learns that you do not mean what you say and you lose your credibility with her. You may have to tell her several times that you will be "serving breakfast at 7:00" until she realizes that your are not going to give in.

Jamie: "Mom I'm hungry. Can I have some cookies?"

Mom: "Kids who eat all their dinner are welcome to have a snack after."

Jamie: "But mom I'm really hungry."

Mom: "I know Jamie. I would be hungry too if I ate as little as you did for dinner, but don't worry I will be fixing a big breakfast at 7:00 a.m."

Jamie: "What? Do you want me to starve?"

Mom: "I'll be serving breakfast at 7:00 Jamie"

Jamie: "This isn't fair."

Mom: "I'll be serving breakfast at 7:00 Jamie"

Jamie: "Fine!"

TIP: NOTICE THE EXCEPTIONS. Call attention to the times when Jamie eats most of her meal. "Wow! Jamie you ate everything on your plate. Good job. You should be proud of yourself." Too often, we only notice the negative aspects of our children's behavior and that is what we reinforce with our negative attention.

TIP: CATER TO JAMIE'S DESIRE TO BE "BIG". " You probably won't like this halibut Jamie. Usually, adults are the only ones who like halibut." Guess what may just become Jamie's new favorite food?

TIP: PROVIDE VARIOUS CHOICES AROUND MEALTIME. "Would you rather sit by me or by mommy?" "You can eat with a fork or a spoon which would you prefer?" "Do you think you will need more potatoes or is that enough?" "Have as much as you think you will need to make it to dinner." "Milk or juice?" "Should we eat at 7:00 or 7:30?"

TIP: BE A GOOD ROLE MODEL. "You know dear, although spaghetti is not my favorite, I will eat it because I know how hard you worked to make it."

TIP: EXPOSURE. Encourage Jamie to try a variety of foods early on in her life before she knows any different. Some children may have never thought liver was gross if it hadn't been for what someone else had set their expectation to be.

TIP: PROVIDE SOME FLEXIBILITY. Let's remember there are some foods that certain children just can not stomach. If Jamie has a problem with spinach but it is part of that particular meal, try to have other items that she can get her fill up on once everyone has their share. However, this should be the exception rather than the rule.

Try letting Jamie dip her foods in sauces, dressings, syrups or ketchup. It may make them taste better to her.

TIP: MAKE MEALTIME ENJOYABLE. Try to talk about things other than eating at mealtime. Dinner is a great time to talk to Jamie about how her day went. During breakfast, you could discuss what everyone has planned for the day.

Everyone pitching in to help prepare the meal can teach Jamie an important family value. An added bonus for children is that it can teach them important thinking skills regarding timing, measuring, colors, comparisons, counting, and cause and effect.

Be creative in the ways that you dish up Jamie's food. Mold her mashed potatoes into a volcano, cut her meat or sandwich into bite sized pieces and poke toothpicks in them, layout veggies in the shapes of letters or numbers, or use a drop or two of food coloring to make it more interesting.

TIP: LIMIT SNACKING. For children to be hungry enough to eat a meal they usually need to go two or three hours without food. However, it is difficult for children to go from noon to 6:00 p.m. without food. A nutritious snack after school should be fine to get Jamie to dinner still having her appetite.

TIP: RECALL PAST SUCCESSES. Think back about times when Jamie has ate her meals. What were you doing? Were you placing a lot of emphasis on her need to eat her food? What was she doing? What were you eating? What happened before the meal? These kinds of questions may help you realize some of the things you or Jamie is already doing which assist her in becoming a better eater.
Author Bio
Destry Maycock has over eleven years experience working with children and families as a professional social worker. Destry has helped hundreds of parents solve a variety of parenting challenges and strengthen their relationships with their children. Destry enjoys developing products that help parents. Visit www.parentingstore.com to see the latest parenting programs.
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Picking Furniture for a Nursery

Furnishing a nursery can be a wonderful time for an expectant mother. Not only is it fun to prepare for the birth of a baby, but it gives the expectant mother an outlet for those nesting instincts that will soon kick in. A lot of well-meaning people (i.e. parents and in-laws) will convince you that you simply must have certain furniture for your new baby's room.

Some of the furniture you will likely consider includes:
· Bassinette
· Crib
· Changing table
· Dresser
· Rocking chair
Do you need it all? Only you can know for sure. Ask yourself, "What furniture am I really likely to use?"

A bassinette is handy for keeping the new baby very close. Most are portable so you can roll them throughout the house. If someone offers to loan you a bassinette, take them up on it as long as the mattress is clean and in good shape. You'll only use a bassinette for a short period of time, so why invest in it as a major piece of furniture?

A crib, however, is a different story. If you plan for your child to sleep on his or her own at all, you will want a crib. It's not as safe to borrow a crib from someone and while cribs are a type of baby furniture that have sentimental attachments, don't agree to use an old crib because it was the one your husband used when he was a baby. Safety standards have changed dramatically and what was once considered safe furniture, might not be now. Look online to find baby crib safety standards. Make sure any spindles on the bed are placed close enough so that the baby cannot get his or her head stuck between them. Also, make sure there's no lead paint on the bed. If you're like most mothers, you'll feel better about your baby's safety if you buy new or one that was just recently used by someone you know.

Do you need a changing table? Mothers went for years without this piece of furniture. But, they are nice to have and at a convenient height that saves some back strain. It's a matter of available space, available money and your willingness to bend over to change a diaper!

A dresser, if bought to last for years, would be a good furniture investment. Don't waste money on a cutesy theme dresser that the baby will only outgrow when he or she starts to develop personal tastes. Instead, think about the rest of your house. Do you have a lot of mahogany furniture or a lot of white painted furniture? Buy a dresser that you can move elsewhere in the house if your child decides he or she hates it down the road. Buy solid wood. The furniture will last longer and it will contain fewer chemicals than cheaper veneer furniture pieces often include in the processing stage or in the glue used to hold pieces together.

Everyone thinks you need a rocking chair if you have a baby. Is it a necessary piece of furniture for the nursery? Not if you have a rocking chair somewhere else in the house. No mother or baby wants to spend all their time in the nursery anyway. Use rocking time in another room to give you both a change of pace - unless you just want to buy a rocker.
Author Bio
Bob Benson is the founder of Furniture online. You can check out our website at www.my-wicker-furniture.info.
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What Can You Do About Unwelcome Gang Influence?

There are many reasons why younsters--and that includes boys and an increasing number of girls--join gangs. When you see your child falling under this unwelcome gang influence, here are some essential steps:

1) Communicate, communicate, communicate. You cannot over-communicate. Open the door, and make sure it stays open. Be a constant positive force in your child's life

2) Positive reinforcement. Most kids are good kids, they just get troubled and lose their way. Leave him with tape-recorder running inside his head, that he can't turn off. Tell him that he's a good kid; to hang on in there. that you love him and believe in him, over and over and over. Give him the "tools" he needs to find his own way home. You will need to discipline him, but always stress the positive.

3) Find a mentor. If your child's father can't be that mentor,then look for a strong male friend, or relative or even a volunteer from a mentoring organization. Get him involved in organizations, sports clubs, social clubs or church groups, places he can find support and strong peer support, as well as a 'coach' or male role model.

Kids join gangs for any number of complex reasons. Before you condemn him, try to better understand what's driving your child down this path.
Author Bio
Burrel Lee Wilks III is America's Most Authentic Life Coach! Find out more about this Streetwise MBA (Master of being Alive) at www.burrelstreetwise.com or subscribe to his free newsletter at http://www.TheBurrelReport.com
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Educating Your Children: The Home Schooling Option

An ever growing number of thoughtful parents are concerned about the status of public schools in many cites across North America. At the same time, a good number of families are struggling to make ends meet. They simply do not have excess funds available to send their children to private schools. One solution that many families are embracing is home schooling. With each passing school year, more and more families in North America -- indeed, in many countries around the world -- are electing the home schooling for their children.

There are some definite benefits and specific drawbacks to choosing home schooling for your children. Turning to the positive elements of home schooling first, chief amongst them is the fact that parents have greater control over the education of their children.

One of the more significant complaints frequently expressed about both public and private schools is the lack of input and control a parent has over the education of his or her child or children. While there are certain educational standards that must be met when it comes to home schooling, a parent has a significant degree of discretion over how his or her child or children will be taught.

In addition to more control over the educational process, most parents who are involved in the home schooling of their children believe that their children are obtaining a far better course of education. Many of these parents simply believe that public schools are not up to muster and that home schooling ensures that their children will be properly educated.

Of course, when contrasting home schooling with the private school alternative, educating your children at home is significantly less expensive. The tuition costs and other fees associated with most private schools continue to increase each and every year. As a result, many families simply have been priced out of the private school market all together.

People who are involved in home schooling believe that educating children at home works to develop a stronger bond between parents and children. The very fact that children will be spending more time with their parents because of being schooled in the home enriches the relationship between the generations.

There are some drawbacks to home schooling as well. The primary complaint that some education experts have in regard to home schooling is based on the need for children to interact socially with other children. These experts maintain that one of the most important components of attending school -- be it in a public or private setting -- are the opportunities for children to interact with each other. These opportunities are more limited when a child is home schooled.

With that said, there are now different organizations and associations that have been formed that bring children who are home schooled together for different activities and events. Home schooling advocates assert that these activities and events allow children who are home schooled ample opportunity to interact with other children their own ages.

Most education analysts believe that the trend towards home schooling will continue onward into the immediate future. These experts believe that an ever growing number of parents are going to elect to educate their children at home as an alternative to problematic public schools and expensive private schools.
Author Bio
More information on Home Schooling
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